Its All Over Guys

Presenting the last Post to you friends......
The amount of love, support and enthusiasm offered to me by all of you via this blog is unnerving to say the least.

25 jan has passed by and the final ending of blog is here. The decision is not surprising. It is what I dreaded and had lil idea of.

The decision was "NO"

Are u surprised?
Am i surprised .. No?
Coz i knew her the best.

I always thought it was easy for boys to move on. Never realized it could be so difficult. Life is never the same post such a phase in your life.

I just wish to take some time off to wish her all the best for her future life and also that the time spent with her were one of the best part of my life. Maybe fate had not designed us to be together for longer.
I always hoped otherwise. I always hoped you would be the one i dreamt off. It was not meant to be. probably we will be in touch in coming months not too frequently though.

Keep in loop nishu dear.

And all my friends. this is the last of what u heard from me on this. thanks for all the support and good wishes all over again.

-------------------------
Love
AKJ

The deadline looms... 48 hours to go

Its the evening of 23 January 2011. And its almost 48 hours to the time when i hear about my fate. When the clock is clicking and you are at the receiving end , how often does it seem that clock is going the other way.
When the unfateful seems about to happen , how often you wish for time to stand still.
The wait of the uncertain suddenly seems better than the pain of the uncertain and demonized future.
Yet for all the waits and all the haggling i am getting goosebumps as the fateful day nears.

The only face floating in front of me these days is hers. As i scout through wilderness and my mind meanders through the vast meadows of the thoughtful space i only seem to be lost for her and yet .. she appears by my side.

One of the most wondorous moments of life and heartbraking also imagining what may be in store 2 days down the line.

Its not only the most personal of my life's part that is taking such momentous turn too many different things happening at different paces in my life as it is being torn apart by the battle within.
It is one of those junctures where nothing seems to be going right. Expectations are so high that even you yourself for a moment want to believe in the fact that there has to be a god somewhere very near.
The situation where you know that you cannot confide in anyone, some issues no one knows and no one is supposed to know. The burden of being myself increases and in this situation you are left to realize that there is no one around but you. The lady who has guided you through for such a major part of your past many months is not there.

There is nothing more lonely than this. And it is one of those few places where i can tell you all about the things with me.

So lets Continue with the story in the meanwhile if it has any credence by now as the emotions and my life my current state seems to be taking over my past and in what a way.

She went home that fateful day and i was left alone in delhi. I made myself much more busy indulging myself in as many projects as i could conjure up . Princi had asked me to start working on a dedicated lab and i was already working on those lines. I used to talk to her as often as i could but the pressure of being on the job had started taking its toll. I was in college as often as i could in the day as well as in the night. It was me and the Project.

The whole vacations went that way and it was finally open college.
She took admission in a college not very near mine. So phone was the only way out.
Slowly it was creeping towards her birthday. It was a big day supposedly. Yes it was. I was gearing up to meet her that day suddenly something happened we were supposed to meet that day when one of my sponsors of project called a meeting that day and from the meeting itself i was supposed to leave for a place far off. It was hell I could not be present to on her birthday.
I was split. My project or she.

I thought She would understand... The guys out there would not. I thought the fact that the project and hopes of a dozen friends rested on me was more important than my personal pleasure of being in company of someone i loved. i decided to torture myself deep inside and go for the meeting and out of the city and hoped she would understand as only she could.

I was wrong for a moment, she did not.

It was i alone in the arena. No one was there to understand what i did and why i did.
I wept that night as never before. It had been a difficult day.
But braving all that i called her up on the stroke of the midnight and wished her. She was happy for that atleast and then i left the city for 2 whole days.

Did i do the right thing. On hindsight would say " I should not have" But i know put me in the same situation again and "this is what i would do". This is how i am. Those who know me know that.

But how dearly i wanted not to do that that day.

It was not the breaking point dear friends and followers. The breaking point is still to come. Keep following for the breaking point tomorrow and the result day after.

Pay for a good result for me and i would pray to god to give me a strong heart to brace the abd one..

Signing off for the day

You taught me how to love;
you taught me how to live;
you taught me how to laugh;
you taught me how to cry,
but when you left,


you forgot to teach me how to forget you.

--------------------------------------
Love
AKJ

Its been long isn't it Part12

LOooooooooong time isn't it guys....

Sorry for the long wait. Was busy in few things. Now you realize what it can be with me. Was off for my Project related work to Chennai. Good news on that front though , We cracked one of India's most difficult Competitions.
Hope we will be best in the world in times to come.

You know how empty it feels when u have just about achieved something big something huge by your standards and then suddenly realize the person with whom you wanted to share the same is not available anymore to talk at the time.
It pinches and creates a sense of hollowness inside you. It made me weep. i remembered her like never before. i wanted to talk to her like never before. But had to resist the temptation.

I know for sure this was what she wanted for me, and she would have been happy for me, Not for us though.
But life has its own issues with the things.

As the days pass on and most of my friends have turned from unemployed junks to IT professionals (Congrats to you all).
But for me life is still standing still, silent there and nowhere to move.
I am counting my days asnd it has stuck 21 days, 9 more to go for my deadline.

A sense of gloom is taking over me as i sense the unfortunate happening. God please give me the strength to bear the same.

Do i continue with the story .. do i need to.. well that's a question for good eternity or life...

But for the sake of the blog and the readers i think i wud continue.......
So as has been let known now. I call her Nishu ( Not for the Blog friends. Its how she is called really)


She was busy giving her entrance and i was busy givin my end sems. There was this thing that none of us realized that what if she had to move to some other city For MCA.
Smallest of such thoughts had not crossed over to my mind when suddenly the exams got over, both of ours.

She realized she had tgo go to her maternal home in heart of UP for about 2 months or till she is admitted in any college. What if she is admitted to a college outside delhi. Will she directly go there.

I was shocked. She was depressed. It hit us to the core. We decided to take it in stride. Jus about then the project had almost taken off in summer vacations. I was on it plus my internship at Bharat electronic limited, where almost everyone i knew was interning from broken legs to shaky to jumpin jack etc.

Anyway we hoped that she would come back to delhi soon and would be admitted to some good college in Delhi.
I went to drop her to station took the most beautiful bouquet of flowers i could conjure up as well as chocolates and god knows what.
I was crying deep within me and she was in tears. We did not know when we would be meeting next.
The train slowly started and i was there standing out waving her bye.
(The stupid technology ... AC coaches don have windows to wave and are tinted enough to obstruct good view. Kills the romanticism involved in waving someone goodbye. :P )


It was bad very bad.. anyway friends.
Over and out for the day...
Signing off with few lines

Now I knew I lost her --
Not that she was gone --
But Remoteness travelled
On her Face and Tongue.

Alien, though adjoining
As a Foreign Race --
Traversed she though pausing
Latitudeless Place.

Elements Unaltered --
Universe the same
But Love's transmigration --
Somehow this had come --

-------------
Love
AKJ