Part 6

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Finally Got a comment from someone I always wanted, although
it does not seem encouraging but still i will march on with my
attempt hoping sometime someday, she changes her mind.
I am too stubborn u see
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So we were deeply in love, fascinated by the new found love. As it often happens sanity seldom prevails in the initial phases and we are blinded by the aura surrounding our beloved. Same was the case with us. We spent hours together chatting, talking, roaming here and there.

My schedules went for a walk. I was invariably late at home and my col work also suffered particularly because of his innumerable jinxes Mr. Virtual man also failed to rise to occasion and i had to look after col work also.
So my family and particularly my dad was enraged. He warned me to spend lesser time on my phone or else there wud be no phone. That was too much but still as i said initial aura had not yet settled in so we continued unabashed till one day my dad decided enough was enough and he had to listen what important conversations i was so engrossed in.

Jus then the phone rang and my bad luck it was she on the line, my dad picked up the phone and asked who is on line , she got terrified and hung up. Now it was horor time for me.

No phone, almost banished from house the days were hell. Could not contact anyone. Internet was also banned.
Those were the most difficult of the phases. Jus in love and u have no phone no net nothing.

In college it was Mr LA to rescue, Thanks Mr LA for that help. used to talk to her using Mr LA's phone. and there were always PCO but you cant talk long and intimate on such places. So diffculty continued. We devised some way or the other to meet. And it so continued.

And we made sure I was always home before 5 P.M. and helped mom and dad in house chores. trying to be a good boy u see.

Finally after 20 odd days or so I got my phone back, but under observation. So i had my phone and we made a unique deal that she would not call me until extremely required. I would do the calling only when i am safe :).
Those were tough days but we safely waded through. We liked Purna Qila, chidiya ghar, The MALL (remember) very much and enjoyed each others company.

But then one more test of fate: - My phone got stolen . this time i was deemed an irresposnible child at home and it was decided that no phone would be provided to me for as long as possible to make me more responsible towards my things.
Tough days wasn't that. Without Phone things became so difficult but how we overcame that and how we came even more close in next one.

Signing off for the day...........

I will walk with you without going astray
Even if hardships ahead they lay
I will give you a loving hug everyday
No matter whether the sky is sunny or gray
I will shield you when harm comes your way
You must not be hurt come what may
I will make your days happy and gay
For your fears I will try to allay
I will remember the days to buy you a bouquet
‘Till I’m old and my memory is in disarray
I now only have this to convey
That I love you and my love is here to stay.

--------------
Love
AKJ

Part 5

So her birthday was round the corner, and I had not made up my mind as to what to do on that day. I was not even sure I would be meeting her that day or not, because I was supposed to be in College manning some Obscure workshop taking place in college. It was first of those workshops and I was to be personally present. I was only accompanied by Mr LA on those two days and host of other students attending the workshop.

I had almost made up my mind that i would call her wish her Birthday and that was it, Nothing more nothing less. So the first day of workshop was the day before birthday and I was totally exhausted that day, somehow got the courage to get up in morning bathe and get back to college. i forgot almost everything else including her.
That day when the workshop started it flashed across my mind that it was her birthday and i was supposed to wish her at least. I took out my phone and dialed her number and godamn it, my balance was over. I had called 50 students, the workshop teachers and my bal was gone. Now what to do?
Enter Mr. loudmouth, I took his phone and sent him inside the Audi and dialed her number and finally wished her. She seemed to be elated at my call as if she was waiting for this one and asked if i could meet her that day. i said i will meet you as soon as the workshop gets over. I expected it to get over at around 12-1. So i was pretty safe for the day, i thought.

But my efforts to organize the workshop paid off and people were happy with it and took so much interest in it that it stretched till 2-2.30

I rushed off to see her the minute seminar got over. She was waiting for me. We went to the cosiest area around and had a great outing together.

At the place. we first had lunch and some greetings and all that hullabaloo usual stuff. I was still thinking what to say and what to do when this conversation happened
she: " You would not have come had i not called you? Isn't it?"
Me : " Nops, i would definitely have come, Par shayad itna bhag ke nahin (with an idiotic grin)"
She:" Kyon apni doosri girlfriend ke saath busy the kya?"
Me: in my mind "doosri to pehli kaun hai. Does she believe she is my girlfriend already? Oh wow. what.. aise kaise... ???
i was perplexed, stunned and did not know what to do or say. I was standing, no sitting, damn i do not remember whether i was standing or sitting, when all of a sudden she held my hand .

yes i was sitting. I then gathered some courage and said "no i would have rather been with my current girlfriend and that's you.
I love you dear"

I uttered those words and it was unplanned without roses without cards without any thoughts. I had no idea of what was in store for me that day.

So i was slowly regaining my senses that day eventually and finally i knew that she loved me.
We moved to some other location, she sat with her head on my shoulders, she was looking so cute that day. Her smile and her eyes were looking much sweeter . Then something happened i gathered the courage and bent a little forward and placed a peck on her cheeks . She turned up gazed in my eyes and held me tightly and whispered in my ears " I love you" . We sat there for hours and it quickly became 8 P.M. Never in my life I was with a girl till so late in evening.

But then we decided to leave and meet next day .Hands in hands we walked off. For the first time i hugged her, never felt so secured as it felt that day.
A grip so safe , so warm and so expecting filled with emotions and warmth of love. The feeling I can not decribe to this day. man i was in love.
"I am still"

We said good bye and left for our respective abodes to meet next day. The most wonderful day in my life had just come to a close.
And my facebook status changed from " single" to " in a relationship"
wow

enough for today guys signing off for the day with another few lines..
ounting our blessings and letting go of the past

Starting all over and making it last
Feelings and memories flow deep in my mind
Of those days our love was genuine and kind
Holding you close, feeling your skin
You look into my eyes and make my head spin
Those feelings are back, but stronger than ever
I know you're the one I wanna hold on to forever
We both smile again, nothing's better than this
wanting to Kissing you again like our second first kiss.

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Love
AKJ

Part 4

Today I will start off with a Famous line by St Augustine Who Said that
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

Beautiful isn't it

So currently I was in Midst of the blossoming season. I was talking to her more often and the best part was that no one had an iota of an idea, if someone says he had he is lying. What it actually meant was that I had no idea where I was at what part of the day
Attempts to Open IEEE could not have come at a better time. So now College was officially Open and we had a new Deano. Deano encouraged us to have IEEE branch and me along with virtual started scouting NSIT. This stressed me even further driving guys at place MAD.
I was supposed to be at Home all day and i was not supposed to be a part of all such activities like IEEE, AUV blah blah..

But never mind these NSIT trips were good in sense that they allowed me to change tracks half way down the city to meet her. Once, I suppose it was around 7-8 August, it was raining heavily I was returning from NSIT and i wanted to jus sit down with someone and chat. i was almost at my place, So i called her up and asked her to be at the MALL, Now i should tell somethin to you This MALL has a very important Significance in my life. More about it later.

So I was not expecting her to come , pata nahi kyon man hua and phone kar diya. And to my Surprise she did come, in the incessant rains. WOW , she made my day that day.

There are innumerable times that u wish someone was with you and not due to any particular reason, Jus aise hi and if That special person is with you , the day seems longer than usual.
That day was one of those days.

So I was happy with God for that day and then next day I realized one thing
She is scared of all scary things like the scary houses in Adventure parks we have, It seems funny to me at the least.

So we visited one of those and on my insistence we went inside one, with insistence i mean 3 hr of perusal completed with sweet corns and Momos etc.

So we entered and she was already scared , and by the time we came out , she was clinging to me, breath up almost as if she had seen her own soul leave.

After that i was made to promise ki aaj ke baad main kisi scary jagah ka naam bhi nahi lunga.
This is one promise i have not been too faithful about.

In the meantime my life was getting screwed up. i was chairman IEEE, had to complete 50 documents of the same, rushing to bank every other day to get an account, A project of UAV under process, Studies, Tech fests, Taking workshops at various colleges across India and SHE.

Those who know me what time it was. Too hectic and too stretched.It used to be 4-5 days since i had last met her. ( if This seems long wait for the rest of the story to proceed....).
Although i tried to call her as much as possible.

By this time I was almost convinced that she loves me. But hey i had not yet conveyed it to her and i had not told the same to her.

Then there was this sunday, i got a day off from my hectic schedule, god knows how . i had almost 15 consecutive working days. She called that day and asked me to accompany her to Akshardham which she wanted to visit. Akshardham , i hate visiting temples, and that too on a day after 15 working days. I flatly refused. i could not have moved out that day.

i believe she was disappointed ( I was later told she was more disappointed than i could imagine)
But anyways those hectic days were coming to their pinnacle .. TOO many workshops in college and also her Birthday was approaching. I promised her i would be with her on birthday but to my dismay i found that we had scheduled a 2 day workshop in college on the day preceding her birthday as well as on her birthday.

Now this is a serious problem with me , I give my professional life too much importance, more than my personal. on a Frank note today if i have to write a blog to communicate with her it is due to this only. But whatever I cannot jus leave my responsibility and go for my personal gains i feel ( i am not virtual man u see).

So i was in dilemma whether to be at my college or be with her for her birthday.

What happened on Birthday is for next post dear friends...
Enough Fodder for the canon has been provided in this post. I expect all this to come blasting to me soon:P

The signing off line s of the day again ....
A gentle word like a spark of light,
Illuminates my soul
And as each sound goes deeper,
It's YOU that makes me whole

There is no corner, no dark place,
YOUR LOVE cannot fill
And if the world starts causing waves,
It's your devotion that makes them still

And yes you always speak to me,
In sweet honesty and truth
Your caring heart keeps out the rain,
YOUR LOVE, the ultimate roof


---------------
Love
AKJ

Part 3

Don think will be able to write too much today.
Am dejected to hilt today.
Almost suicidal.
Seldom are days so bad for u that they have been today for me and u have to bear them.

So the story....
we had our first date and then we we often chitchatted there. Sometime there at my summer intern period my boss had to leave and i was free whole day to dial random people and chat whole day long. Best use of summer vacations u see.
We often had lunch together in random malls and restaurants of Delhi.

This is one incident which i distinctly recall.
I was visiting my friend's office and we ( me and the lady) decide to go to parathe wali gali sans my friend. Now how to do this.

She first acted as if half dead that she was in terrible pain and what not and wanted to go home at that moment. Men are really helples if a woman is falling sick they have to let'em go.

After that i forged a call from god knows who and talked as if my boss was goin to screw up my whole summer training if i did not report immediately in my office. These two incidents happened in time spans of say 20 mins.

Looks obscure isn't it. But so has been my life.
So i was also out of my friends' and met her half a kilometer down the road and we went together for that lunch that day.


She later conceded to me that it was this day onwards she became serious towards me.


jus this much for today guys......


signing off as usual with a poem for her......

Would you just listen and please don't say a word, just yet,
I'd like you to think back to the very first time we met,
How you felt around me? The memories we shared,
And just remember that once upon a time, you really cared.

Now think about how we parted, and how much I cried,
But please don't speak, remember that I never ever lied,
That I told you the honest truth about why we were to split,
But now I'd like you to know that my heart broke bit by bit.


You were a special part of my life that I will never forget,
A part of my life that broke my heart, but that I don't regret,
You gave me some happy memories that I'll keep in my heart,
Although sometimes I wish that you and I didn't have to part.

You were my first love and my true love, that will always be so,
After all of the heartache, sadness and never ending pain, I know,
You and I had something special and that will never change,
Because I love you and loving someone else will always seem strange.

Would you just listen and please don't say a word, not ever,
I'd like you to remember that once upon a time, we said forever,
That I had hopes and dreams, that I was the one who threw them away,
And this is something I will always regret until my dying day.

----------
Love
AKJ

Part 2

So Now I knew her and as all my friends know I am a slow starter in friendships. (Jus a slow starter though later i more than dominate proceedings. Mr shake and Mr Broken legs are more than witness of this dominance).
i always digress too much isn't it. Anyways, So i was a slow starter , did not have too many instances of communications with her in initial instances. It was limited to customary greetings whenever i visited my friends. later on i once stayed at my friends for longer period and we had lunch together, this once converted into many instances in whole of may. We now chitchatted on various issues ranging from my college studies, my hindu days, her studies ( i was more than happy to help anyone in programming, the engineering side had kicked in u see), this conversation later on turned towards our personal life. Good use of summer vacations u see.
Once i was at the place and needed to buy a new Bag for myself. this was sometime in june mid. And after some hectic schedules at my intern place. So i was at my familiar locations in northern part of delhi with my old friend and new found friend. i wanted to go to buy a bag and this friend offered her expert help in buying one for me in the locales known to her.
So began our Bag buying spree ( 1 bag only waise ) How much time would that take. 10 mins flat. Job done now what? We decided to hang out together and we went to a nearby mall for lunch in sweltering june heat of delhi.
That was our first , what u call it... eh...... date.

we sat there for say 3-4 hrs, like true "Vellas" chit chatting on almost every topic under the sun. then it was time to say goodye for the day. That instance after wards we opened up a lot towards each other frequent phone calls messages etc.

Proposal.... Not yet not now dearest friends..... It took a whole lot of time...
Got to sign off for the day . but i will sign off with a poem i had dedicated to her long back....

Nothing stays the same.
Sunrise becomes sunset;
Morning turns into night;
An angry storm can turn
Into a gentle breeze;
A tiny seed can become a
Towering tree;
A lowly caterpillar
Transforms into a
Colorful butterfly;
A child grows into a man.

Life goes on.
Seasons change.
Circumstances change.
People change.

But I know
That I will always love you
No matter what happens
Or whatever changes
That will take place in
our lives..

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Love
AKJ


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A humble Request

Dear friends, Followers, well wishers
many people have asked me the purpose of the blog and what is it menat to convey and why public with some of the most intimate details of my life.

The answer is:-
I made some follies in my relationship, which turned for worse, follies on my part that are unforgivable ( as it seems) but the hopeful human heart expects the same. This blog is a way to pay respect to this girl who made my life and also ask for her forgiveness publicly.
I am recounting everythin that happened with us, maybe that will make the fate reignite the dwindling fire.
For others this may be a perfect guide to what not to do in a relationship, perhaps.

So a humble request to all of you:- i know that she is reading the same for sure. if all of you can leave a comment here for her I will be more than pleased.

Hoping for continued patronage.

Thanks
AKJ

Part 1 of story...

Hello friends and well wishers and Hello sweetheart.......
It was an unsually warm day of end of february when i first visited that office for some personal work. She was there for her internship part. I went there to see someone. Well for all those talks about love at first sight, i did not even notice her that day. " fate had somethin else in store for us".
I went to drink water in that office and saw a group of girls chatting away( 3 if i remember correctly). I did not even raise my eyes and went away.
What a first meeting some would say.... :)

I came back after spending 2 hrs at that office with the friend and did not give her a second glance or even notice her. uneventful isn't it????

I did not meet her or see her for 2 more months. I did not visit those old places too frequently coz did not have a reason good enough.

Then 2 months later in last parts of april, I went there again for some personal work. My semester exams were on my head... Du exams already half way in in.

She was not there that time( as if i noticed.. i was not supposed to know her by then isn't it).
So nothing interesting happened in those two meets to that place. i finished my work there and then went over to Knags for some lunch all alone.. met an old friend form hindu there at BONZAI... in the narrow lane behind Macd's . had a lot of chit chat there and came back home.. My life was still going fine and strong... with bits and pieces of AUV making attempts thrown in courtsey ( mr.shake, mr virtual man, mr. LA and gang ... no real names u see :P) .
So it was almost as if my second attempt at making AUV had failed .. the team had disintegrated. I wanted to do somethin better and gave my exams thinking of what that better would be.

Exams over. Summer training required...
Over to Nextsapiens... It was more of Job than summer training in summer of 2009. Mr Virtual man will confirm it. I was more involved in it than virtual and had benefits of the same . The free phone lying there gave me good reason to call various people whom i would not have called anyway . this proved useful as i later realised.

In between i had to go to that friend's again. This time i met her officially as i was introduced to her for some work. I had to sit with her for much longer this time getting some work done.
It was not as if i was attracted to her then or anythin it was jus that atleast the conversation got rolling. We had each others phone numbers that day by the time i left and also the promise to be in touch.. We realise we had much in common ...

......
This is all for part 1 .. plz wait for part 2...
I will sign it off with a message for her. some lines for her from one of my most favorite song...

जहाँ से तुम मोड़ मुर गए थे
ये मोड़ अब भी वहीँ खड़े हैं
कहीं किसी रोज़ यूँ भी होता
हमारी हालत तुम्हारी होती
जो रात हमने गुजारी मर के
वो रात तुमने गुजारी होती।

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Love
AKJ

What i felt this Saturday??

Dedicated to the most special person... in between the story would be a few poems and few best lines i want to dedicate to her.. This is first of those series...


My belt loosens slowly.
Reminders of you stay fresh
in murky ponds of suffocating tadpoles.
Wake me in the morning,
when the sun shines again.
It's frightening when all I know
falls apart.
And all I know is you.

Hunger squeezes me tighter.
My soul sags with exhaustion.
Ashtrays fill with sleepless nights.
Weeping intensifies my anxiety.
Can tomorrow come without you...
here today?

The chandelier falls on my face.
The rose filled lamp explodes in my hands.
Pain is unrecognizable.
All I knew was you.
You.
My love.

A brief Introduction

The story begins somewhere in February 2009 and continues till date ... Had a lots of ups and downs and still continues....
in short jus this........


I loved u each single day and I loved u each single night.......
Each heartbeat was for u.. each streak of air in my breath was for u....
u were the life u were the soul.....
not a chance for 18 months is not fair.........
not to me not to u.......
Is this how we dreamt it to be....

.....................................................................................
Now brief introduction..
Myself... astrophyscist AKJ...
for friends this should be enough to identify me.... for others nothing more is needed to be known...
I am a true hot blooded ARIAN
She was a true VIRGO
5'4" lightweighted 48 kgs

Rustic and shy.....
but my love :) .....

no one was in the story... not even the best of my friends ever met her .... i suppose few did .. but don't recognize her ....

And very few of her friends ever met me... ( 3 if i am right)


So enough about introduction... Rest the story would be tomorrow.....

What is this blog all about??????

Hello all

This is straight from my heart .... My story which i never divulged even to best of my friends. The story of how i hooked up and then few stupid mistakes got it to a point of no return.
i am being told to move on jus as she has .. but i refuse.. My adamant heart refuses to move on...
This is in tribute to the best lady i ever met...
Each day (Provided i am available, as u know i am quite busy :( ) , i will post a post about us.. starting from the day we first met hoping that somehow someday before the story reaches the point of breakdown there is no need to mention the point of break down.
And to the lady of the story....
" no explicit names of persons or places would be taken..
and yes i refuse to move on..... either i am forgiven or the blog ends....."

And to all my friends ... no mention of the blog in personal life between us is welcome and any questions whatsoever would be answered via this medium only.. nothing in person....

love----
AKJ