Its All Over Guys

Presenting the last Post to you friends......
The amount of love, support and enthusiasm offered to me by all of you via this blog is unnerving to say the least.

25 jan has passed by and the final ending of blog is here. The decision is not surprising. It is what I dreaded and had lil idea of.

The decision was "NO"

Are u surprised?
Am i surprised .. No?
Coz i knew her the best.

I always thought it was easy for boys to move on. Never realized it could be so difficult. Life is never the same post such a phase in your life.

I just wish to take some time off to wish her all the best for her future life and also that the time spent with her were one of the best part of my life. Maybe fate had not designed us to be together for longer.
I always hoped otherwise. I always hoped you would be the one i dreamt off. It was not meant to be. probably we will be in touch in coming months not too frequently though.

Keep in loop nishu dear.

And all my friends. this is the last of what u heard from me on this. thanks for all the support and good wishes all over again.

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Love
AKJ

The deadline looms... 48 hours to go

Its the evening of 23 January 2011. And its almost 48 hours to the time when i hear about my fate. When the clock is clicking and you are at the receiving end , how often does it seem that clock is going the other way.
When the unfateful seems about to happen , how often you wish for time to stand still.
The wait of the uncertain suddenly seems better than the pain of the uncertain and demonized future.
Yet for all the waits and all the haggling i am getting goosebumps as the fateful day nears.

The only face floating in front of me these days is hers. As i scout through wilderness and my mind meanders through the vast meadows of the thoughtful space i only seem to be lost for her and yet .. she appears by my side.

One of the most wondorous moments of life and heartbraking also imagining what may be in store 2 days down the line.

Its not only the most personal of my life's part that is taking such momentous turn too many different things happening at different paces in my life as it is being torn apart by the battle within.
It is one of those junctures where nothing seems to be going right. Expectations are so high that even you yourself for a moment want to believe in the fact that there has to be a god somewhere very near.
The situation where you know that you cannot confide in anyone, some issues no one knows and no one is supposed to know. The burden of being myself increases and in this situation you are left to realize that there is no one around but you. The lady who has guided you through for such a major part of your past many months is not there.

There is nothing more lonely than this. And it is one of those few places where i can tell you all about the things with me.

So lets Continue with the story in the meanwhile if it has any credence by now as the emotions and my life my current state seems to be taking over my past and in what a way.

She went home that fateful day and i was left alone in delhi. I made myself much more busy indulging myself in as many projects as i could conjure up . Princi had asked me to start working on a dedicated lab and i was already working on those lines. I used to talk to her as often as i could but the pressure of being on the job had started taking its toll. I was in college as often as i could in the day as well as in the night. It was me and the Project.

The whole vacations went that way and it was finally open college.
She took admission in a college not very near mine. So phone was the only way out.
Slowly it was creeping towards her birthday. It was a big day supposedly. Yes it was. I was gearing up to meet her that day suddenly something happened we were supposed to meet that day when one of my sponsors of project called a meeting that day and from the meeting itself i was supposed to leave for a place far off. It was hell I could not be present to on her birthday.
I was split. My project or she.

I thought She would understand... The guys out there would not. I thought the fact that the project and hopes of a dozen friends rested on me was more important than my personal pleasure of being in company of someone i loved. i decided to torture myself deep inside and go for the meeting and out of the city and hoped she would understand as only she could.

I was wrong for a moment, she did not.

It was i alone in the arena. No one was there to understand what i did and why i did.
I wept that night as never before. It had been a difficult day.
But braving all that i called her up on the stroke of the midnight and wished her. She was happy for that atleast and then i left the city for 2 whole days.

Did i do the right thing. On hindsight would say " I should not have" But i know put me in the same situation again and "this is what i would do". This is how i am. Those who know me know that.

But how dearly i wanted not to do that that day.

It was not the breaking point dear friends and followers. The breaking point is still to come. Keep following for the breaking point tomorrow and the result day after.

Pay for a good result for me and i would pray to god to give me a strong heart to brace the abd one..

Signing off for the day

You taught me how to love;
you taught me how to live;
you taught me how to laugh;
you taught me how to cry,
but when you left,


you forgot to teach me how to forget you.

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Love
AKJ

Its been long isn't it Part12

LOooooooooong time isn't it guys....

Sorry for the long wait. Was busy in few things. Now you realize what it can be with me. Was off for my Project related work to Chennai. Good news on that front though , We cracked one of India's most difficult Competitions.
Hope we will be best in the world in times to come.

You know how empty it feels when u have just about achieved something big something huge by your standards and then suddenly realize the person with whom you wanted to share the same is not available anymore to talk at the time.
It pinches and creates a sense of hollowness inside you. It made me weep. i remembered her like never before. i wanted to talk to her like never before. But had to resist the temptation.

I know for sure this was what she wanted for me, and she would have been happy for me, Not for us though.
But life has its own issues with the things.

As the days pass on and most of my friends have turned from unemployed junks to IT professionals (Congrats to you all).
But for me life is still standing still, silent there and nowhere to move.
I am counting my days asnd it has stuck 21 days, 9 more to go for my deadline.

A sense of gloom is taking over me as i sense the unfortunate happening. God please give me the strength to bear the same.

Do i continue with the story .. do i need to.. well that's a question for good eternity or life...

But for the sake of the blog and the readers i think i wud continue.......
So as has been let known now. I call her Nishu ( Not for the Blog friends. Its how she is called really)


She was busy giving her entrance and i was busy givin my end sems. There was this thing that none of us realized that what if she had to move to some other city For MCA.
Smallest of such thoughts had not crossed over to my mind when suddenly the exams got over, both of ours.

She realized she had tgo go to her maternal home in heart of UP for about 2 months or till she is admitted in any college. What if she is admitted to a college outside delhi. Will she directly go there.

I was shocked. She was depressed. It hit us to the core. We decided to take it in stride. Jus about then the project had almost taken off in summer vacations. I was on it plus my internship at Bharat electronic limited, where almost everyone i knew was interning from broken legs to shaky to jumpin jack etc.

Anyway we hoped that she would come back to delhi soon and would be admitted to some good college in Delhi.
I went to drop her to station took the most beautiful bouquet of flowers i could conjure up as well as chocolates and god knows what.
I was crying deep within me and she was in tears. We did not know when we would be meeting next.
The train slowly started and i was there standing out waving her bye.
(The stupid technology ... AC coaches don have windows to wave and are tinted enough to obstruct good view. Kills the romanticism involved in waving someone goodbye. :P )


It was bad very bad.. anyway friends.
Over and out for the day...
Signing off with few lines

Now I knew I lost her --
Not that she was gone --
But Remoteness travelled
On her Face and Tongue.

Alien, though adjoining
As a Foreign Race --
Traversed she though pausing
Latitudeless Place.

Elements Unaltered --
Universe the same
But Love's transmigration --
Somehow this had come --

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Love
AKJ

Its Last day of 2010

2010 Has been quite an eventful year for me and all those related to me somehow. Never in my life i had any idea that there would be a day when i would be sitting in front of my computer and writing a blog about my personal life and in so detail. Life has its own ways and he does some strange things to you.

As 2011 is about to dawn a strange sense of emptiness and realization has dawned in . What have i achieved and what have i lost in the year that 2010 was.
Perhaps the realization will take sometime to sink in.
It could not be worse that as 2011 is coming to an end i cannot even call her and wish her. I cannot ring her up and say Hey dear may we be together for this as well as many years to come. the promise we made to each other on dawn of 2010 seems like a long lost one as 2011 dawns.

Let the blog be my mouthpiece. Let this be my errand to convey her my message.
This is it

Hey Nishu Dear
Its been 5 days down and 25 more days to go. Phew the wait's killing me. As i pray to god that in the new year i am gifted with the blessing of the almighty to have you on my side.
As of now on the ve of a new year, i wish you A very happy new year. may all the Happinees of the world be bestowed upon you. May each part of the creation bestow you with immense success and joy and whatever be your decision, i would continually pray for your well being in the year to come and in all years to come. You are and will always be the princess of my dreams.
Nishu Dear, I wish you a Very Happy new year 2011.
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Yours
AKJ
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For the year that has just gone by various memories flash through my mind and forms a Kaleidoscope , so colorful that it is hard to define it.
From the fun and frolic to the success of NIOT and from the fun of being with someone so caring to the pain of being apart.
It has been an eventful year would be an understating.

As the hours of clock tick by my typing speed is increasing perhaps frustrated at myself for not being face to face with you or the thought of not being with u ever.

I would also like to extend warmest greetings of new year to all my friends and followers of BLOG. May u bve united with the person whom u so desire in the new year. This is my wish for each one of you.
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The story.....
So the xams just about got over and we were back to same old days.. Meeting here and there and spending some wonderful moments. the moments i always cherish. The moments where she introduced me to her best friend. (It is so important for girls u know.)
life was limping back to normal. Now days took a reversal. Almost done with her bachelor's she decided to appear for MCA entrance exam. So now she was studying hard or so it seemed. She started taking coaching for MCA entrance. All this meant she was away for long periods on sundry jobs.

It was so wonderful. Meeting at some locations being with each other and sharing life's tiniest details.
Days always don't remain the same.
Signing off with warm wishes for everyone...


So far away...
the beaches which you walk.

Yet so close...
always in my heart.

So far away...
I cannot touch your hand,
I cannot feel your breath,
I cannot hold you close.

Yet so close...
I can feel you in my heart,
I can see you in my mind,
I can hear you in my ears.

You can go so far away...
You can travel to the ends of the earth...

But as long as I have your love...
As long as I have you...
You will always be close.

For,
As sure as the sun rises,
And the tides will change,
I will always love you,
An you will always be close to my heart.

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Love
AKJ

The deadline of My life... I'll WAIT

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So my story is now in public domain and all of you are part of the same. A long and extended family i would say. The blog has helped me connect back to her. And I would like to share an important part of the story which recently happened sidestepping the flow that was going on.

We broke off on 12 November 2010. it took me 1 month to realize how much i missed her and how badly i was dependent on her. She was my life. The blog started on December 12 2010 and exactly 13 days later on Christmas eve. Few days after we got back talking together. I popped the question about us. She was not yet ready to commit back. Not right now atleast. She wanted a month to think , a complete month without my phone calls, without my messages, without me. I would get the reply on 25 january.

It took me 1 month to realize what she has been for me and that sans her i am so alone, so desolate. i hope this 1 month makes her realize the same. This 1 month is going to be one of the longest of my life and i hope the wait is worth it.

the blog is going to be my only medium of passing any messages to her in the meantime. I hope all of you will be with me in such an hour.

25 jan , i will wait for you. It just could not be longer. I hope the wait is worth it. Pray for me guys. Its all that i am left with in this hour. Its going to be quite a vacant new year. She was the first person i talked to when 2010 dawned at 00:00:01 on 1/1/10. Never thought would have such an end to this year.

In the meantime the story continues Guys.....

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Note:- the story would be kept short in coming week , exam time guys .... :(

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Finally it was fest time, In the run up to the fest almost all of my big decision were taken with her consent. What to do? Whether the design suits or not? What to say to the techer with whom i had a bad run in ? She was partner to all my decisions.

And the fests were very hectic. The day before the fest was ... what do i say.... don't have a better vocabulary But i feel "Chaos" would be a damn understatement. 40 odd people at college scene. Doing everythin from hanging banners to getting lan in place. To making the robotics arena ready. As i said Chaotic would be an understatement.

As if the problems were not less, One of the accounts of the fest froze out of a sudden due to some problems in banking side. The net effect of all this was that those 4 days were like hell for me. I had no time to be anywhere forget about talking to her.

Extended days without talking to your lady can have disastrous consequences as i realized. She had an accident in those days where her toe was ripped off. I came to know of it a full 4 days later. That was so bad, i cant even describe.

the fests were immediately followed by two things:-

1. Exams............ IPU SUCKS

2. Post fest management. Account settlement and all. another of the areas where none of team mates showed much enthusiasm. And my nature or my habits prevented me to leave that where it was. I am no accountant and it took me days to figure out how to manage an account and how to get the papers in order god enough for a government audit process. All the technicalities were getting too much for me. I was almost into depression.

Almost..

i was...

I was hospitalized twice in those days. Very few people know that. But yes Excessive stress does have its consequences and it was showing. There were a few things that i left to some of my friends to complete in those days when i was down and could not cope.

And you know something---- those tasks got completed almost 6 months later and some of them are still pending.

thats exactly why i prefer to do all the stuff myself. But that approach has its own disadvantages as is quite visible.

See...

such a long blog and still no mention of her, when the blog was supposed to be about her. If i could not get a scope to write about her now U can guess how much available i was those days to be with her. none.

When we eventually met after exams we were like meeting after a period of 20 odd days. I don't remember exactly . She is much better in remembering the dates and days. Sachhi.

... Signing off for today guys................

25 Jan sigh..... 1 down 30 more days to go... :'(

Its going to a long wait......

But i will wait coz this comes once in a life....

Only for you sweetheart...

This heartache I just can't explain,
All I ever feel is pain,
That passion I long for true love for real,
Her gentle caressing what I long to feel,
A love that when we are together
we'd rather die than be apart,
A love that when our lips meet
I can feel the kiss from her heart.
I'll wait forever to have this special love,
I'll even wait for all eternity in the heavens above,
All this waiting for her may cause me pain and strife,
But I'll wait, because this love comes once in a life.

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Love

AKJ