Part 11.......

To much has been happening around for past few days. I have been having some different type of conversations with her. Some Heartening some disheartening. put these are part and parcel of life. So after much thought and advices I have decided to go on with the Blog.

Some clarifications first on what has been happening till date.
1. Rustic does not mean-- Rural..
in my second post "Rustic and Shy" was used which is used to refer to Simple not RURAL. Although in isolation the word might mean that. No offenses though.

2. Repeatedly i am still asked why am i doing this? For what purpose? And that it is not going to lead to any fruitful result?
Well maybe, all that is true. But i reserve the Right to TRY. There is nothing else that i can do. I have learnt to balance my life better. Not hugely but even subtle advantages are noticeable in condition though.

3. I should try to concentrate on my so called first priority of life i.e. My projects and research
Well i have learnt to value important Human relations.tough way isn't it.

To admit one's follies,mistakes and shortcomings on a public forum is either construed as a mark of either boastfulness or idiocy. But this is neither. this is just to tell someone that yes I made few mistakes. Yes i was dumb enough. but I will not be so perennially.

I have seldom respected Human relationship. It is precisely why for a long time i did not even have enough faith in Friendship. For a person so private as me, you brought in me the changes that made me what i am today. You were, rather are someone with whom i could bare open all. There is none like you.

You know for sure one thing. i have never lied and will never lie to you. And moving on without you is beyond my thoughts is a fact. It was not destiny that we met and it is not destiny that we need to go on alone separately. It need not be. It was never meant to be that way. I believe we can change that destiny if it was there anywhere. The question is Do You?
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And Now friends , herewith I continue with my side of story Part 11.
and yes
Merry Christmas to all readers of this post
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After spending a couple of days in Agra and rejuvnating ourselves, we were abck in delhi and i was back in midst of a spectacularly disorganized fest. Everyone was working hard there with one problem Noone knew what we were doing and how that fit into the huge canvas until last day when Mr. broken legs intervened. BTW mr broken legs is better now. All the best to him for his speedy recovery.

In the midst of the fest, i was so engrossed that i scarcely could get the time to think anythin else. leave alone her. She was happy seeing me so engrossed in something i loved and i cherished that she did not mind. Love u for that dear.

So now fest was round the corner suddenly the unthinkable happened. Elections were announced in college. i never expected it to be timed so uselessly. i had no intention of standing in elections till last moment. But somehow at last moment all the pieces set themselves up and i won. i had become President of my college. WOW. that was great. Wasn't that

the first thing i did was to call her up and tell her that i had won the elections and i was president. She was so happy for me. Her voice betrayed that.

That whole evening was uselessly spent partying and i reached home late. i had a long chat with her that evening wherein she asked me " Now that u have become president u will be even more busy and u will have no time for me now isn't it?"
I :" No that won't happen. I will balance it off"
She:" No , you CAN'T. You cannot leave ur college jobs for meeting me that i know for sure"
I:" Nahi, aisa nahi hai. i will ind time for you. You are my life..( and all such things)"

I:" Are you happy or unhappy that i am president?"
she:" i am happy. I am thrilled for you. But deep down i am scared what will happen to us. You will be so much more busy with useless things up your mind"

I promised her that it won't be.
One of the promises that did not keep. I lament that to this day. Why o Why did that happen.

So some unexpected things happened in these few days. i had two fests at my disposal now. the cultural as well as the tech one. ( Why and how? that's a long and different story. that will also come up but sometime later!!)
and i was occupied to hilt. It was like i was in col from 9- 7 and sending emails to contacts and taking stock of account and money at home 9-12.
So much for a col fest.

that's all guys for the day.........
Signing off with a prayer that " Whoever u desire the most, may God grant you eternal place in his/her heart this christmas"

I loved the child in her
so innocent and sweet
The mischief in her eyes
the blush upon her cheek
The tender way she spoke
that showed me that she cared
The touch of her warm hand
that gently touched my hair
The smiles that we shared
that filled my life with glee
For when I was with her
I found the child in me


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Love
AKJ

A message

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Thank you Guys for following the blog with so much passion.
But it pains me to inform you all that there would be no further posts in the story.
There won't be any further update to the story.

The reason......

Never Mind

I am grateful to the Blog atleast for one thing. It made us talk again and let me understand something that i did not understood earlier or did not try.

A final post would be coming up in a day or two and that would bean OPEN letter nothing more.

thank you for keeping faith and reading this in the meantime.

I think i will have to break some promises as i close this blog but sometimes u have to let go.

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Still Yours and will always be yours........

Love
AKJ

Part 10..........

So we were planning a Trip to spend some quality time together after exams but as they say Luck has its own charms and its own moods.

You Don't take decisions, decisions are forced on u. So as soon as exam got over I found that i had to leave for Vishakhapatnam for some workshop at some university and Virtual man was with me (Drinking Booze the whole route :P)

The trip to vishakhapatnam was terrible. Things did not turn out to be as good as they were supposed to be. I was simmering and i was angry with the organizers of the workshop. i called up the person who had fixed up my workshop in middle of night and gave him an earful, i did not know what i would have said but Virtual man was almost always stopping me from saying more explosive words. But that did have an effect. He got my phone recharged, which was almost running empty. So i had few hundred in my mobile balances and i spent rest of two days chatting with her over phone . that helped me cool off a bit, also the sea shores of Vishakhapatnam did their bit in calming me in 6the terrible outland where we were.

While shopping on beaches of Vishakhapatnam, i bought few sheels and corals for her, few for pleasing my mom as well. U know i am always out on some pretext or another.:P

So a hectic tour of almost 1 week was over and i was back in delhi and as soon as i land up in college the next big thing catches me I.e. College fest, by that time i was supposed to organize IEEE technical fest only.

When i am on something i am on it completely. this is the policy by which i have lived the major part of my life. i give 100% of my attention time to what i am doing and expect the same from others. Human relations i have seldom valued in my quest for perfection. It has been good enough for me in patches. It has helped me reach what i have become today but the price for that that i have paid is visible today. The people who are close to me will testify for the same. many times i have lost cool on people who could not devote 101% of their time on the project/ fest job at hand.

This attitude of mine combined with the fest planning can be attributed to the start of the end.
i called her and explained all this to her also explained her that the time was crazy and i would be hell busy with my fest planning.She encouraged me to have a great Fest in college. But seldom do we realize that people hide their true feelings for our sake. What i now realize that i took it too far. I extened my brief too much in due course, and am paying for the same today.

So The situation was that the fest planning was in full steam the team was in order. But in initial days the whole team was almost vella as the website needed to be designed and the Brochure needed to be written. this was primarily my job along with my dear friend Danav.
All my friends would approve or disapprove of our works from time to time as acc to their wish.
and Mr danav and me were making these two components ready.It took so much time that i was almost exhausted the whole days. i did not prepare for my GATE or anythin as i told u when i am on somethin i am on it 100%. The week before my Gate the whole days i was trying to finish the IEEE website . I fucked up my Gate and my relationship to some extent because of this, but i did not acre at that time. Its not that i am 100% transformed now. Guys hoping to be on team for this time's fest plz beware. :P

So the site was up and i realized i had not even met her for 15 days. My gate was screwed up. guess what guys. GATE was on 14 feb :P My first valentine with her and i was giving this exam anyways . we decided to celebrate valentines on 15 which we eventually did but valentines is valentines isn't it. the fun was lost to a great extent.

And now we were adamant to spending some time together calmly. So we zeroed in on Agra as the host city and sometime next week as the date.

Signing off for today guys............................
This is a song i was pointed towards though i dont listen to much of English music but i liked its lyrics here they are for the lady.
Lyrics by Dolly Parton
I Will Always Love You


If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of
the way

And I...
Will always
Love you
Will always
Love you
You
My darling you


Bittersweet Memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need

And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you


I hope
life treats you kind
And I hope
you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy
and happiness
But above all this
I wish you love

And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you


I, I will always love
You....
You
Darling I love you
I'll always
I'll always
Love

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Love
AKJ

Part 9...... The Magic began.....

Some personal notes before the part 8 finally starts.....
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I don know why talking to you now is like this..
There are too many pauses in between.
Time stands still, when i talk to u now.
But i know one thing......
U still care for me.
U still seem to know when i am not right.

I am not running a lonely race. I know you are with me somewhere somehow always.
And i still don't intend to let it finish.

Distances sometime tell you the true worth of something that u always took for granted. Isn't it?
Sometime somewhere along the line. The division between mine and me does start to fudge out.

किसी नज़र को तेरा इंतज़ार आज भी है
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So the story continues.......

On one of those sunny warm winter days. We went city hopping . Some small shopping here and there at Cannaought place and idling around in paalika and central park was fun.
That day she was wearing Pink tee with her fav blue jeans. It was almost 5 and we decided to get back to our respective homes. We took a drive back home and like always she had her head on my shoulders and i had held her tightly in my arms. We were talking about everything from her family to i don remember what.
It was getting chilly and i know she does not like winters. She just can't handle winters. And like almost all other girls hates to wear layers of clothing in winters.
The low temperature was turning her pink and she was looking so innocent and tender in my arms.
.......:) The moment the environment was almost surreal.

Still remember that day so vividly.

After that we were contemplating a short trip to some place to spend some quality time together. All sorts of places were doing our brains
those were:-

Everything was almost decided when this happened.
My exam dates were announced and we realized that my pracs were almost on my head. So the idea was shelved that time to the time when my exams would jus end.

Dear o dear. i was so excited about that but university guys screwed it up almost. But never mind, i had exams on my head and had to go for it all out so shelved the plan temporarily and went to study i.e. in hibernation.

The trip could not even materialize after the end of exam but more about that later.

Signing off for the day.................................
ab tanha rehna seekh rha hu
mar kr jeena seekh rh hu

maang kr pana seekh liya tha
paa kr khona seekh rha hu

madhoshi ne bahut sataya
ab hosh mey rehna seekh rha hu

yaad mey uski ek arsa jaaga
bas ab chain se sona seekh rha hu

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Love
AKJ

The Magic began.......

No Update today on a special request.............................................
Could not refuse the request............................................................

Hope to be back tomorrow with the best post of the series.

Thank you and sorry dear friends...................

Signing off for the day
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My heart aches when I talk to you
My heart aches when I don’t hear from you
My heart aches when I long for you

I don’t know why
You’ve taken over my thoughts
I can’t explain

You’re still a stranger
Far away
I want you close by

I miss your embrace
Holding you close
My heart aches

I miss you!

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Eternally yours
Love
AKJ

Part 8...........Kittu

Hmmm... some very good comments and some pretty good wishes coming in from people who care. Want to say thanks to them.
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It was another one of those warm winter days when i was supposed to meet her. i did not have phone those days. It was stolen remember part 7.
So did not have phone. i reached the point where we were supposed to meet and called her from a PCO. She was in a class and would meet me after 20 mins i was told. i waited for half an hour and then called again.
this time i was told it might take upto an hour longer. i had nothin better to do so decided to take a stroll in the market. I saw a gifts gallery thereby while walking. An idea struck me why not gift her a teddy bear. Why wait for valentines day or birthday for gifting. Lets enjoy that day and celebrate ourselves.
I entered the shop and searched for the cutest teddy i could find. There was this one Pink coloured teddy which had unusually long ears teddy bears dont have such long ears. But it was so unusual that i liked it and i knew she would like it too. It was around 1 feet high and i instantly liked it.
I asked for it to be packed and gift wrapped. I paid for the teddy and came out of shop hoping that i had gone late now. It was more than an hour since i left the place strolling. I came back but still no sign of her. I dialed her again and came to know that she was on her way.

So he reached the place after making me wait for almost 2.5 hrs. MY MY.. That day made me realize what waiting for a lady is . It also reminded me of the day when i made her wait for 1.5 hrs and had to face taunts for almost 1 month.

ladies sometime shave better of both worlds. isn't it guys??

So we were so late that there was no point of going to someplace. We went to nearby Nerulas. Quite decent place and almost deserted on a quite warm winter afternoon. We went there and i was so exhausted after waiting for 2.5 hrs that went straight to washroom to freshen myself up.
When i came back i learnt another of the ladies secret " They can't hide their excitement" .She had already unpacked the gift in the middle of nerulas and was already adoring the teddy.

the teddy was adoring her arms and i realized that the teddy and her handbag combined may be heavier than herself. Oh yes i forgot to tell you what she carries in her handbag.
Since she was the only lady whose handbag i could freely(well almost) examine and see, i realized that ladies travel with their whole world packed in handbags and hers was no different from tissues to napkins to lip glosses , eyeliners to wallet, mobile, etc etc. It was heavier than my college bag most of the times.

But anyways i was relieved that she liked the teddy. We had a quiet lunch there and chit chatted and left. The next morning i was surprised to bones when i was greeted as " Hello Kittu ke daddy"
Who the hell was this KIttu and whose daddy. "Maine to abhi tak kuch kiya bhi nahin" :P
Shut up i was told. Kittu was the name of the teddy that i had gifted her and it was a child whom we were supposed to tend. Girls sometimes are just girls.

So kittu it was, ...... never mind the fact that i never understood the idea of such a high importance of a teddy in a girls life.??? Maybe i am too ignorant

have an exam tomorrow guys. Hope sweetheart u will understand. So not much today...............

Signing off for the day........

You are

A cocoon; a nightingale
a veil; a cloud
the moon; a watcher;
a kaleidoscope;
beauty; fearlessness
silence; a mute kiss
a quick tongue;
shadowed touch;
a life; a light;
the deepest shades of
blue; an ocean;
a placebo or a sleeping
pill; a yawn;
a distance; handless
dance; chaos;
un-extinguished flame;
half flicker or roar;
a love. A moan;
nakedness; a caress;
a strewn nightgown;
an adjective; a metaphor;
a mistake; a first; an end;
a love.

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Love
AKJ

Part 7......... The Roses

Yesterday i came to know for sure that the Blog is reaching its intended Audience want to thank all followers and friends for the same. As i wade deeper in the story today i present to you some of the most important part of the story.
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Beginning where we were.............


Without the Phone and Internet in these days and times communicating can be very dificult and we realized that hard way very early in our relationship. But nevertheless, Friends' phone, Pay phone and Bro's phone kept us talking and together. Then the unexpected happened. My bro was down with dengue. It was very bad time at home.
he had to be admitted to hospital. i usually stayed with him overnight looking after him in hospital.
She was such a source of inspiration in those times. Always encouraging me always talking to me even at 3 a.m. and helping me have faith. The difficult days passed by. My bro was back on his feet healthy as ever and guess what i got a new phone.
in the meantime i got to know about her family, her and her frinds. Those night long conversations also taught me one of the most important facets of her persona of a thoughtful, caring and patient lady. I admired those qualities of hers till this day.

It was during one of those days when we visited the MALL. She loved watching films while i hate the same. Hating films is also not the end of life for me But i can't manage to sit inside a cinema hall for 3 hrs. In my entire life i had done this only 4 times before her. The atmosphere of a cinema hall crampy, closed and bound to watch something which u have no control or idea of is very perplexing to me. But she loved watching movies and no love stories / dates are complete without a movie together isn't it. So that day i decided to take her to the most romantic movie that was being screened in the theater.
that day we were meeting after some good 10 days. I decided to take some red Roses for her. I went to the best flowerseller i knew. Ferns and petals isn't around my home. And handpicked and selected the best bunch of red roses i could find and had them bound brilliantly with all my engineering nuances applied to it. Although i was sure the flowerman was pissed off with me and had labeled me as a sure shot madman. But I could not have faltered on this one.

I took the roses and went on meet her. Only GOD knows or i know the amount of glances people have for u while u are waiting for someone with a bouquet of red roses in hand. It was miserable. Unknown people came and passed me passing a smile. But still i continued and gave her the roses. The reaction wa what made my day. She was excited to core. later she saved one of those roses between her book and i am sure till this day that rose is somewhere inside that bookcover itself. However hard she may claim to move on i am dead sure that Rose still has a niche place in between her books and will always be.

We booked Gold class tickets. I hoped gold class comfort would make me stable and let me survive through the agony of the film. But that was not meant to be. I can survive horrendous vivas and interviews. I can survive 48 hour marathon sessions on my computer but those 3 hrs are like hell. At the entry to the theater itself where we were being checked the security staff had a eyeful of us and the roses. They teased her by asking where her chocolates were and when we were about to enter the oldest one said to me : " Aap dono ki JODI kamaal hai sahab. Sada saath rehna" How prophetic those words seem now in hindsight.

Anyways I tried to survive but somehow my inner self got better of me. I finished the whole movie holding her hands and trying to watch her beautiful face in the dim lights of the theater, perhaps this was what took me through the three hours. She kept her head on my shoulders as she usually does the comfort of having someone so close fills u with immense energy and unknown force . But even that force was not enough to help me after 3 hours . As i was coming out of the theater i almost fainted . She helped me walk up to the Washroom. i washed my entire face with cold water and tried to breathe as heavily as I could.
Although it took 20 long minutes before we could come back to normal mood i was finally back in my senses and she was a s terified as a person who had seen his soul leave. She hug me tightly after that and warned me against watching films ever again.

So now we were not supposed to go out on Movie dates. All that was left was hanging out together in the winters of Delhi at the most beautiful of places in Delhi and its MALLs.
So again it was one of those fateful nights when we were hanging around in the mall. we were moving around having an icecream and were waiting in the lift lobby when she turned her back and saw her sister and brother in law walking in with her nieces. It was horrible. She immediately turned her head. JIJU just walked past us and did not see us, thankgod, don know tiil date whether he actually did not see us or pretend not to. They just walked pass us and we were standing there freezed to our bones. Had they seen us don know what would have happened.
They just walked pass us and went a floor down. we had no idea what to do. I had known her JIJU for some time due to some professional reasons but had never seen her Di. So i decided to go to first floor and check if they are inside any shop we will sneak through. But God has something else in mind for us. i stood on escalator and as i was halfway down the floor i saw here JIJU standing bang opposite me with face in opposite direction. I was almost chilled . I turned back on escalator then and there and with half the mall looking at me except possibly her JIJU i ran on opposite direction on escalator pushing and shoving people coming down i reached back on second floor. We knew our luck was bad but still decided to give it a shot and together got down to the ground floor via another route and departed ASAP.

I literally learned the meaning of ASAP that day. It was a freezing encounter, coz if her JIJU and DI had known. we were gone cases for sure................
So much for a mall experience....

Next up would be the story of KITTU midst our lives............... Tomorrow.

Signing off for the day....

A simple rose I have found
It's not the flower that grows from the ground,
Its beauty is one of such delight ...
This rose is soft to the touch in all its perfection.

The envy for all the flowers in this garden
Its fragrance will consume your every obsession.
This rose must be a gift, a gift from above
A gift from Heaven to show us love.

Every morning I wake to see its petals glisten
Its easy to see how one could be so smitten
If love was a rose it would shine so bright
Because all I need is this rose in my life.

And My love the rose in my life is you

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Love
AKJ