Its Last day of 2010

2010 Has been quite an eventful year for me and all those related to me somehow. Never in my life i had any idea that there would be a day when i would be sitting in front of my computer and writing a blog about my personal life and in so detail. Life has its own ways and he does some strange things to you.

As 2011 is about to dawn a strange sense of emptiness and realization has dawned in . What have i achieved and what have i lost in the year that 2010 was.
Perhaps the realization will take sometime to sink in.
It could not be worse that as 2011 is coming to an end i cannot even call her and wish her. I cannot ring her up and say Hey dear may we be together for this as well as many years to come. the promise we made to each other on dawn of 2010 seems like a long lost one as 2011 dawns.

Let the blog be my mouthpiece. Let this be my errand to convey her my message.
This is it

Hey Nishu Dear
Its been 5 days down and 25 more days to go. Phew the wait's killing me. As i pray to god that in the new year i am gifted with the blessing of the almighty to have you on my side.
As of now on the ve of a new year, i wish you A very happy new year. may all the Happinees of the world be bestowed upon you. May each part of the creation bestow you with immense success and joy and whatever be your decision, i would continually pray for your well being in the year to come and in all years to come. You are and will always be the princess of my dreams.
Nishu Dear, I wish you a Very Happy new year 2011.
---
Yours
AKJ
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the year that has just gone by various memories flash through my mind and forms a Kaleidoscope , so colorful that it is hard to define it.
From the fun and frolic to the success of NIOT and from the fun of being with someone so caring to the pain of being apart.
It has been an eventful year would be an understating.

As the hours of clock tick by my typing speed is increasing perhaps frustrated at myself for not being face to face with you or the thought of not being with u ever.

I would also like to extend warmest greetings of new year to all my friends and followers of BLOG. May u bve united with the person whom u so desire in the new year. This is my wish for each one of you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The story.....
So the xams just about got over and we were back to same old days.. Meeting here and there and spending some wonderful moments. the moments i always cherish. The moments where she introduced me to her best friend. (It is so important for girls u know.)
life was limping back to normal. Now days took a reversal. Almost done with her bachelor's she decided to appear for MCA entrance exam. So now she was studying hard or so it seemed. She started taking coaching for MCA entrance. All this meant she was away for long periods on sundry jobs.

It was so wonderful. Meeting at some locations being with each other and sharing life's tiniest details.
Days always don't remain the same.
Signing off with warm wishes for everyone...


So far away...
the beaches which you walk.

Yet so close...
always in my heart.

So far away...
I cannot touch your hand,
I cannot feel your breath,
I cannot hold you close.

Yet so close...
I can feel you in my heart,
I can see you in my mind,
I can hear you in my ears.

You can go so far away...
You can travel to the ends of the earth...

But as long as I have your love...
As long as I have you...
You will always be close.

For,
As sure as the sun rises,
And the tides will change,
I will always love you,
An you will always be close to my heart.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Love
AKJ

The deadline of My life... I'll WAIT

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So my story is now in public domain and all of you are part of the same. A long and extended family i would say. The blog has helped me connect back to her. And I would like to share an important part of the story which recently happened sidestepping the flow that was going on.

We broke off on 12 November 2010. it took me 1 month to realize how much i missed her and how badly i was dependent on her. She was my life. The blog started on December 12 2010 and exactly 13 days later on Christmas eve. Few days after we got back talking together. I popped the question about us. She was not yet ready to commit back. Not right now atleast. She wanted a month to think , a complete month without my phone calls, without my messages, without me. I would get the reply on 25 january.

It took me 1 month to realize what she has been for me and that sans her i am so alone, so desolate. i hope this 1 month makes her realize the same. This 1 month is going to be one of the longest of my life and i hope the wait is worth it.

the blog is going to be my only medium of passing any messages to her in the meantime. I hope all of you will be with me in such an hour.

25 jan , i will wait for you. It just could not be longer. I hope the wait is worth it. Pray for me guys. Its all that i am left with in this hour. Its going to be quite a vacant new year. She was the first person i talked to when 2010 dawned at 00:00:01 on 1/1/10. Never thought would have such an end to this year.

In the meantime the story continues Guys.....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note:- the story would be kept short in coming week , exam time guys .... :(

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally it was fest time, In the run up to the fest almost all of my big decision were taken with her consent. What to do? Whether the design suits or not? What to say to the techer with whom i had a bad run in ? She was partner to all my decisions.

And the fests were very hectic. The day before the fest was ... what do i say.... don't have a better vocabulary But i feel "Chaos" would be a damn understatement. 40 odd people at college scene. Doing everythin from hanging banners to getting lan in place. To making the robotics arena ready. As i said Chaotic would be an understatement.

As if the problems were not less, One of the accounts of the fest froze out of a sudden due to some problems in banking side. The net effect of all this was that those 4 days were like hell for me. I had no time to be anywhere forget about talking to her.

Extended days without talking to your lady can have disastrous consequences as i realized. She had an accident in those days where her toe was ripped off. I came to know of it a full 4 days later. That was so bad, i cant even describe.

the fests were immediately followed by two things:-

1. Exams............ IPU SUCKS

2. Post fest management. Account settlement and all. another of the areas where none of team mates showed much enthusiasm. And my nature or my habits prevented me to leave that where it was. I am no accountant and it took me days to figure out how to manage an account and how to get the papers in order god enough for a government audit process. All the technicalities were getting too much for me. I was almost into depression.

Almost..

i was...

I was hospitalized twice in those days. Very few people know that. But yes Excessive stress does have its consequences and it was showing. There were a few things that i left to some of my friends to complete in those days when i was down and could not cope.

And you know something---- those tasks got completed almost 6 months later and some of them are still pending.

thats exactly why i prefer to do all the stuff myself. But that approach has its own disadvantages as is quite visible.

See...

such a long blog and still no mention of her, when the blog was supposed to be about her. If i could not get a scope to write about her now U can guess how much available i was those days to be with her. none.

When we eventually met after exams we were like meeting after a period of 20 odd days. I don't remember exactly . She is much better in remembering the dates and days. Sachhi.

... Signing off for today guys................

25 Jan sigh..... 1 down 30 more days to go... :'(

Its going to a long wait......

But i will wait coz this comes once in a life....

Only for you sweetheart...

This heartache I just can't explain,
All I ever feel is pain,
That passion I long for true love for real,
Her gentle caressing what I long to feel,
A love that when we are together
we'd rather die than be apart,
A love that when our lips meet
I can feel the kiss from her heart.
I'll wait forever to have this special love,
I'll even wait for all eternity in the heavens above,
All this waiting for her may cause me pain and strife,
But I'll wait, because this love comes once in a life.

-----------------------------

Love

AKJ

Part 11.......

To much has been happening around for past few days. I have been having some different type of conversations with her. Some Heartening some disheartening. put these are part and parcel of life. So after much thought and advices I have decided to go on with the Blog.

Some clarifications first on what has been happening till date.
1. Rustic does not mean-- Rural..
in my second post "Rustic and Shy" was used which is used to refer to Simple not RURAL. Although in isolation the word might mean that. No offenses though.

2. Repeatedly i am still asked why am i doing this? For what purpose? And that it is not going to lead to any fruitful result?
Well maybe, all that is true. But i reserve the Right to TRY. There is nothing else that i can do. I have learnt to balance my life better. Not hugely but even subtle advantages are noticeable in condition though.

3. I should try to concentrate on my so called first priority of life i.e. My projects and research
Well i have learnt to value important Human relations.tough way isn't it.

To admit one's follies,mistakes and shortcomings on a public forum is either construed as a mark of either boastfulness or idiocy. But this is neither. this is just to tell someone that yes I made few mistakes. Yes i was dumb enough. but I will not be so perennially.

I have seldom respected Human relationship. It is precisely why for a long time i did not even have enough faith in Friendship. For a person so private as me, you brought in me the changes that made me what i am today. You were, rather are someone with whom i could bare open all. There is none like you.

You know for sure one thing. i have never lied and will never lie to you. And moving on without you is beyond my thoughts is a fact. It was not destiny that we met and it is not destiny that we need to go on alone separately. It need not be. It was never meant to be that way. I believe we can change that destiny if it was there anywhere. The question is Do You?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And Now friends , herewith I continue with my side of story Part 11.
and yes
Merry Christmas to all readers of this post
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------






After spending a couple of days in Agra and rejuvnating ourselves, we were abck in delhi and i was back in midst of a spectacularly disorganized fest. Everyone was working hard there with one problem Noone knew what we were doing and how that fit into the huge canvas until last day when Mr. broken legs intervened. BTW mr broken legs is better now. All the best to him for his speedy recovery.

In the midst of the fest, i was so engrossed that i scarcely could get the time to think anythin else. leave alone her. She was happy seeing me so engrossed in something i loved and i cherished that she did not mind. Love u for that dear.

So now fest was round the corner suddenly the unthinkable happened. Elections were announced in college. i never expected it to be timed so uselessly. i had no intention of standing in elections till last moment. But somehow at last moment all the pieces set themselves up and i won. i had become President of my college. WOW. that was great. Wasn't that

the first thing i did was to call her up and tell her that i had won the elections and i was president. She was so happy for me. Her voice betrayed that.

That whole evening was uselessly spent partying and i reached home late. i had a long chat with her that evening wherein she asked me " Now that u have become president u will be even more busy and u will have no time for me now isn't it?"
I :" No that won't happen. I will balance it off"
She:" No , you CAN'T. You cannot leave ur college jobs for meeting me that i know for sure"
I:" Nahi, aisa nahi hai. i will ind time for you. You are my life..( and all such things)"

I:" Are you happy or unhappy that i am president?"
she:" i am happy. I am thrilled for you. But deep down i am scared what will happen to us. You will be so much more busy with useless things up your mind"

I promised her that it won't be.
One of the promises that did not keep. I lament that to this day. Why o Why did that happen.

So some unexpected things happened in these few days. i had two fests at my disposal now. the cultural as well as the tech one. ( Why and how? that's a long and different story. that will also come up but sometime later!!)
and i was occupied to hilt. It was like i was in col from 9- 7 and sending emails to contacts and taking stock of account and money at home 9-12.
So much for a col fest.

that's all guys for the day.........
Signing off with a prayer that " Whoever u desire the most, may God grant you eternal place in his/her heart this christmas"

I loved the child in her
so innocent and sweet
The mischief in her eyes
the blush upon her cheek
The tender way she spoke
that showed me that she cared
The touch of her warm hand
that gently touched my hair
The smiles that we shared
that filled my life with glee
For when I was with her
I found the child in me


---------------------------
Love
AKJ

A message

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Thank you Guys for following the blog with so much passion.
But it pains me to inform you all that there would be no further posts in the story.
There won't be any further update to the story.

The reason......

Never Mind

I am grateful to the Blog atleast for one thing. It made us talk again and let me understand something that i did not understood earlier or did not try.

A final post would be coming up in a day or two and that would bean OPEN letter nothing more.

thank you for keeping faith and reading this in the meantime.

I think i will have to break some promises as i close this blog but sometimes u have to let go.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Still Yours and will always be yours........

Love
AKJ

Part 10..........

So we were planning a Trip to spend some quality time together after exams but as they say Luck has its own charms and its own moods.

You Don't take decisions, decisions are forced on u. So as soon as exam got over I found that i had to leave for Vishakhapatnam for some workshop at some university and Virtual man was with me (Drinking Booze the whole route :P)

The trip to vishakhapatnam was terrible. Things did not turn out to be as good as they were supposed to be. I was simmering and i was angry with the organizers of the workshop. i called up the person who had fixed up my workshop in middle of night and gave him an earful, i did not know what i would have said but Virtual man was almost always stopping me from saying more explosive words. But that did have an effect. He got my phone recharged, which was almost running empty. So i had few hundred in my mobile balances and i spent rest of two days chatting with her over phone . that helped me cool off a bit, also the sea shores of Vishakhapatnam did their bit in calming me in 6the terrible outland where we were.

While shopping on beaches of Vishakhapatnam, i bought few sheels and corals for her, few for pleasing my mom as well. U know i am always out on some pretext or another.:P

So a hectic tour of almost 1 week was over and i was back in delhi and as soon as i land up in college the next big thing catches me I.e. College fest, by that time i was supposed to organize IEEE technical fest only.

When i am on something i am on it completely. this is the policy by which i have lived the major part of my life. i give 100% of my attention time to what i am doing and expect the same from others. Human relations i have seldom valued in my quest for perfection. It has been good enough for me in patches. It has helped me reach what i have become today but the price for that that i have paid is visible today. The people who are close to me will testify for the same. many times i have lost cool on people who could not devote 101% of their time on the project/ fest job at hand.

This attitude of mine combined with the fest planning can be attributed to the start of the end.
i called her and explained all this to her also explained her that the time was crazy and i would be hell busy with my fest planning.She encouraged me to have a great Fest in college. But seldom do we realize that people hide their true feelings for our sake. What i now realize that i took it too far. I extened my brief too much in due course, and am paying for the same today.

So The situation was that the fest planning was in full steam the team was in order. But in initial days the whole team was almost vella as the website needed to be designed and the Brochure needed to be written. this was primarily my job along with my dear friend Danav.
All my friends would approve or disapprove of our works from time to time as acc to their wish.
and Mr danav and me were making these two components ready.It took so much time that i was almost exhausted the whole days. i did not prepare for my GATE or anythin as i told u when i am on somethin i am on it 100%. The week before my Gate the whole days i was trying to finish the IEEE website . I fucked up my Gate and my relationship to some extent because of this, but i did not acre at that time. Its not that i am 100% transformed now. Guys hoping to be on team for this time's fest plz beware. :P

So the site was up and i realized i had not even met her for 15 days. My gate was screwed up. guess what guys. GATE was on 14 feb :P My first valentine with her and i was giving this exam anyways . we decided to celebrate valentines on 15 which we eventually did but valentines is valentines isn't it. the fun was lost to a great extent.

And now we were adamant to spending some time together calmly. So we zeroed in on Agra as the host city and sometime next week as the date.

Signing off for today guys............................
This is a song i was pointed towards though i dont listen to much of English music but i liked its lyrics here they are for the lady.
Lyrics by Dolly Parton
I Will Always Love You


If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of
the way

And I...
Will always
Love you
Will always
Love you
You
My darling you


Bittersweet Memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need

And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you


I hope
life treats you kind
And I hope
you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy
and happiness
But above all this
I wish you love

And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you


I, I will always love
You....
You
Darling I love you
I'll always
I'll always
Love

----------------
Love
AKJ

Part 9...... The Magic began.....

Some personal notes before the part 8 finally starts.....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don know why talking to you now is like this..
There are too many pauses in between.
Time stands still, when i talk to u now.
But i know one thing......
U still care for me.
U still seem to know when i am not right.

I am not running a lonely race. I know you are with me somewhere somehow always.
And i still don't intend to let it finish.

Distances sometime tell you the true worth of something that u always took for granted. Isn't it?
Sometime somewhere along the line. The division between mine and me does start to fudge out.

किसी नज़र को तेरा इंतज़ार आज भी है
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So the story continues.......

On one of those sunny warm winter days. We went city hopping . Some small shopping here and there at Cannaought place and idling around in paalika and central park was fun.
That day she was wearing Pink tee with her fav blue jeans. It was almost 5 and we decided to get back to our respective homes. We took a drive back home and like always she had her head on my shoulders and i had held her tightly in my arms. We were talking about everything from her family to i don remember what.
It was getting chilly and i know she does not like winters. She just can't handle winters. And like almost all other girls hates to wear layers of clothing in winters.
The low temperature was turning her pink and she was looking so innocent and tender in my arms.
.......:) The moment the environment was almost surreal.

Still remember that day so vividly.

After that we were contemplating a short trip to some place to spend some quality time together. All sorts of places were doing our brains
those were:-

Everything was almost decided when this happened.
My exam dates were announced and we realized that my pracs were almost on my head. So the idea was shelved that time to the time when my exams would jus end.

Dear o dear. i was so excited about that but university guys screwed it up almost. But never mind, i had exams on my head and had to go for it all out so shelved the plan temporarily and went to study i.e. in hibernation.

The trip could not even materialize after the end of exam but more about that later.

Signing off for the day.................................
ab tanha rehna seekh rha hu
mar kr jeena seekh rh hu

maang kr pana seekh liya tha
paa kr khona seekh rha hu

madhoshi ne bahut sataya
ab hosh mey rehna seekh rha hu

yaad mey uski ek arsa jaaga
bas ab chain se sona seekh rha hu

-----------------------------
Love
AKJ

The Magic began.......

No Update today on a special request.............................................
Could not refuse the request............................................................

Hope to be back tomorrow with the best post of the series.

Thank you and sorry dear friends...................

Signing off for the day
........................................

My heart aches when I talk to you
My heart aches when I don’t hear from you
My heart aches when I long for you

I don’t know why
You’ve taken over my thoughts
I can’t explain

You’re still a stranger
Far away
I want you close by

I miss your embrace
Holding you close
My heart aches

I miss you!

-------------------------
Eternally yours
Love
AKJ

Part 8...........Kittu

Hmmm... some very good comments and some pretty good wishes coming in from people who care. Want to say thanks to them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was another one of those warm winter days when i was supposed to meet her. i did not have phone those days. It was stolen remember part 7.
So did not have phone. i reached the point where we were supposed to meet and called her from a PCO. She was in a class and would meet me after 20 mins i was told. i waited for half an hour and then called again.
this time i was told it might take upto an hour longer. i had nothin better to do so decided to take a stroll in the market. I saw a gifts gallery thereby while walking. An idea struck me why not gift her a teddy bear. Why wait for valentines day or birthday for gifting. Lets enjoy that day and celebrate ourselves.
I entered the shop and searched for the cutest teddy i could find. There was this one Pink coloured teddy which had unusually long ears teddy bears dont have such long ears. But it was so unusual that i liked it and i knew she would like it too. It was around 1 feet high and i instantly liked it.
I asked for it to be packed and gift wrapped. I paid for the teddy and came out of shop hoping that i had gone late now. It was more than an hour since i left the place strolling. I came back but still no sign of her. I dialed her again and came to know that she was on her way.

So he reached the place after making me wait for almost 2.5 hrs. MY MY.. That day made me realize what waiting for a lady is . It also reminded me of the day when i made her wait for 1.5 hrs and had to face taunts for almost 1 month.

ladies sometime shave better of both worlds. isn't it guys??

So we were so late that there was no point of going to someplace. We went to nearby Nerulas. Quite decent place and almost deserted on a quite warm winter afternoon. We went there and i was so exhausted after waiting for 2.5 hrs that went straight to washroom to freshen myself up.
When i came back i learnt another of the ladies secret " They can't hide their excitement" .She had already unpacked the gift in the middle of nerulas and was already adoring the teddy.

the teddy was adoring her arms and i realized that the teddy and her handbag combined may be heavier than herself. Oh yes i forgot to tell you what she carries in her handbag.
Since she was the only lady whose handbag i could freely(well almost) examine and see, i realized that ladies travel with their whole world packed in handbags and hers was no different from tissues to napkins to lip glosses , eyeliners to wallet, mobile, etc etc. It was heavier than my college bag most of the times.

But anyways i was relieved that she liked the teddy. We had a quiet lunch there and chit chatted and left. The next morning i was surprised to bones when i was greeted as " Hello Kittu ke daddy"
Who the hell was this KIttu and whose daddy. "Maine to abhi tak kuch kiya bhi nahin" :P
Shut up i was told. Kittu was the name of the teddy that i had gifted her and it was a child whom we were supposed to tend. Girls sometimes are just girls.

So kittu it was, ...... never mind the fact that i never understood the idea of such a high importance of a teddy in a girls life.??? Maybe i am too ignorant

have an exam tomorrow guys. Hope sweetheart u will understand. So not much today...............

Signing off for the day........

You are

A cocoon; a nightingale
a veil; a cloud
the moon; a watcher;
a kaleidoscope;
beauty; fearlessness
silence; a mute kiss
a quick tongue;
shadowed touch;
a life; a light;
the deepest shades of
blue; an ocean;
a placebo or a sleeping
pill; a yawn;
a distance; handless
dance; chaos;
un-extinguished flame;
half flicker or roar;
a love. A moan;
nakedness; a caress;
a strewn nightgown;
an adjective; a metaphor;
a mistake; a first; an end;
a love.

-----------------------------

Love
AKJ

Part 7......... The Roses

Yesterday i came to know for sure that the Blog is reaching its intended Audience want to thank all followers and friends for the same. As i wade deeper in the story today i present to you some of the most important part of the story.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beginning where we were.............


Without the Phone and Internet in these days and times communicating can be very dificult and we realized that hard way very early in our relationship. But nevertheless, Friends' phone, Pay phone and Bro's phone kept us talking and together. Then the unexpected happened. My bro was down with dengue. It was very bad time at home.
he had to be admitted to hospital. i usually stayed with him overnight looking after him in hospital.
She was such a source of inspiration in those times. Always encouraging me always talking to me even at 3 a.m. and helping me have faith. The difficult days passed by. My bro was back on his feet healthy as ever and guess what i got a new phone.
in the meantime i got to know about her family, her and her frinds. Those night long conversations also taught me one of the most important facets of her persona of a thoughtful, caring and patient lady. I admired those qualities of hers till this day.

It was during one of those days when we visited the MALL. She loved watching films while i hate the same. Hating films is also not the end of life for me But i can't manage to sit inside a cinema hall for 3 hrs. In my entire life i had done this only 4 times before her. The atmosphere of a cinema hall crampy, closed and bound to watch something which u have no control or idea of is very perplexing to me. But she loved watching movies and no love stories / dates are complete without a movie together isn't it. So that day i decided to take her to the most romantic movie that was being screened in the theater.
that day we were meeting after some good 10 days. I decided to take some red Roses for her. I went to the best flowerseller i knew. Ferns and petals isn't around my home. And handpicked and selected the best bunch of red roses i could find and had them bound brilliantly with all my engineering nuances applied to it. Although i was sure the flowerman was pissed off with me and had labeled me as a sure shot madman. But I could not have faltered on this one.

I took the roses and went on meet her. Only GOD knows or i know the amount of glances people have for u while u are waiting for someone with a bouquet of red roses in hand. It was miserable. Unknown people came and passed me passing a smile. But still i continued and gave her the roses. The reaction wa what made my day. She was excited to core. later she saved one of those roses between her book and i am sure till this day that rose is somewhere inside that bookcover itself. However hard she may claim to move on i am dead sure that Rose still has a niche place in between her books and will always be.

We booked Gold class tickets. I hoped gold class comfort would make me stable and let me survive through the agony of the film. But that was not meant to be. I can survive horrendous vivas and interviews. I can survive 48 hour marathon sessions on my computer but those 3 hrs are like hell. At the entry to the theater itself where we were being checked the security staff had a eyeful of us and the roses. They teased her by asking where her chocolates were and when we were about to enter the oldest one said to me : " Aap dono ki JODI kamaal hai sahab. Sada saath rehna" How prophetic those words seem now in hindsight.

Anyways I tried to survive but somehow my inner self got better of me. I finished the whole movie holding her hands and trying to watch her beautiful face in the dim lights of the theater, perhaps this was what took me through the three hours. She kept her head on my shoulders as she usually does the comfort of having someone so close fills u with immense energy and unknown force . But even that force was not enough to help me after 3 hours . As i was coming out of the theater i almost fainted . She helped me walk up to the Washroom. i washed my entire face with cold water and tried to breathe as heavily as I could.
Although it took 20 long minutes before we could come back to normal mood i was finally back in my senses and she was a s terified as a person who had seen his soul leave. She hug me tightly after that and warned me against watching films ever again.

So now we were not supposed to go out on Movie dates. All that was left was hanging out together in the winters of Delhi at the most beautiful of places in Delhi and its MALLs.
So again it was one of those fateful nights when we were hanging around in the mall. we were moving around having an icecream and were waiting in the lift lobby when she turned her back and saw her sister and brother in law walking in with her nieces. It was horrible. She immediately turned her head. JIJU just walked past us and did not see us, thankgod, don know tiil date whether he actually did not see us or pretend not to. They just walked pass us and we were standing there freezed to our bones. Had they seen us don know what would have happened.
They just walked pass us and went a floor down. we had no idea what to do. I had known her JIJU for some time due to some professional reasons but had never seen her Di. So i decided to go to first floor and check if they are inside any shop we will sneak through. But God has something else in mind for us. i stood on escalator and as i was halfway down the floor i saw here JIJU standing bang opposite me with face in opposite direction. I was almost chilled . I turned back on escalator then and there and with half the mall looking at me except possibly her JIJU i ran on opposite direction on escalator pushing and shoving people coming down i reached back on second floor. We knew our luck was bad but still decided to give it a shot and together got down to the ground floor via another route and departed ASAP.

I literally learned the meaning of ASAP that day. It was a freezing encounter, coz if her JIJU and DI had known. we were gone cases for sure................
So much for a mall experience....

Next up would be the story of KITTU midst our lives............... Tomorrow.

Signing off for the day....

A simple rose I have found
It's not the flower that grows from the ground,
Its beauty is one of such delight ...
This rose is soft to the touch in all its perfection.

The envy for all the flowers in this garden
Its fragrance will consume your every obsession.
This rose must be a gift, a gift from above
A gift from Heaven to show us love.

Every morning I wake to see its petals glisten
Its easy to see how one could be so smitten
If love was a rose it would shine so bright
Because all I need is this rose in my life.

And My love the rose in my life is you

--------------
Love
AKJ

Part 6

--------------------------------------------------------------
Finally Got a comment from someone I always wanted, although
it does not seem encouraging but still i will march on with my
attempt hoping sometime someday, she changes her mind.
I am too stubborn u see
------------------------------------------------------------------
So we were deeply in love, fascinated by the new found love. As it often happens sanity seldom prevails in the initial phases and we are blinded by the aura surrounding our beloved. Same was the case with us. We spent hours together chatting, talking, roaming here and there.

My schedules went for a walk. I was invariably late at home and my col work also suffered particularly because of his innumerable jinxes Mr. Virtual man also failed to rise to occasion and i had to look after col work also.
So my family and particularly my dad was enraged. He warned me to spend lesser time on my phone or else there wud be no phone. That was too much but still as i said initial aura had not yet settled in so we continued unabashed till one day my dad decided enough was enough and he had to listen what important conversations i was so engrossed in.

Jus then the phone rang and my bad luck it was she on the line, my dad picked up the phone and asked who is on line , she got terrified and hung up. Now it was horor time for me.

No phone, almost banished from house the days were hell. Could not contact anyone. Internet was also banned.
Those were the most difficult of the phases. Jus in love and u have no phone no net nothing.

In college it was Mr LA to rescue, Thanks Mr LA for that help. used to talk to her using Mr LA's phone. and there were always PCO but you cant talk long and intimate on such places. So diffculty continued. We devised some way or the other to meet. And it so continued.

And we made sure I was always home before 5 P.M. and helped mom and dad in house chores. trying to be a good boy u see.

Finally after 20 odd days or so I got my phone back, but under observation. So i had my phone and we made a unique deal that she would not call me until extremely required. I would do the calling only when i am safe :).
Those were tough days but we safely waded through. We liked Purna Qila, chidiya ghar, The MALL (remember) very much and enjoyed each others company.

But then one more test of fate: - My phone got stolen . this time i was deemed an irresposnible child at home and it was decided that no phone would be provided to me for as long as possible to make me more responsible towards my things.
Tough days wasn't that. Without Phone things became so difficult but how we overcame that and how we came even more close in next one.

Signing off for the day...........

I will walk with you without going astray
Even if hardships ahead they lay
I will give you a loving hug everyday
No matter whether the sky is sunny or gray
I will shield you when harm comes your way
You must not be hurt come what may
I will make your days happy and gay
For your fears I will try to allay
I will remember the days to buy you a bouquet
‘Till I’m old and my memory is in disarray
I now only have this to convey
That I love you and my love is here to stay.

--------------
Love
AKJ

Part 5

So her birthday was round the corner, and I had not made up my mind as to what to do on that day. I was not even sure I would be meeting her that day or not, because I was supposed to be in College manning some Obscure workshop taking place in college. It was first of those workshops and I was to be personally present. I was only accompanied by Mr LA on those two days and host of other students attending the workshop.

I had almost made up my mind that i would call her wish her Birthday and that was it, Nothing more nothing less. So the first day of workshop was the day before birthday and I was totally exhausted that day, somehow got the courage to get up in morning bathe and get back to college. i forgot almost everything else including her.
That day when the workshop started it flashed across my mind that it was her birthday and i was supposed to wish her at least. I took out my phone and dialed her number and godamn it, my balance was over. I had called 50 students, the workshop teachers and my bal was gone. Now what to do?
Enter Mr. loudmouth, I took his phone and sent him inside the Audi and dialed her number and finally wished her. She seemed to be elated at my call as if she was waiting for this one and asked if i could meet her that day. i said i will meet you as soon as the workshop gets over. I expected it to get over at around 12-1. So i was pretty safe for the day, i thought.

But my efforts to organize the workshop paid off and people were happy with it and took so much interest in it that it stretched till 2-2.30

I rushed off to see her the minute seminar got over. She was waiting for me. We went to the cosiest area around and had a great outing together.

At the place. we first had lunch and some greetings and all that hullabaloo usual stuff. I was still thinking what to say and what to do when this conversation happened
she: " You would not have come had i not called you? Isn't it?"
Me : " Nops, i would definitely have come, Par shayad itna bhag ke nahin (with an idiotic grin)"
She:" Kyon apni doosri girlfriend ke saath busy the kya?"
Me: in my mind "doosri to pehli kaun hai. Does she believe she is my girlfriend already? Oh wow. what.. aise kaise... ???
i was perplexed, stunned and did not know what to do or say. I was standing, no sitting, damn i do not remember whether i was standing or sitting, when all of a sudden she held my hand .

yes i was sitting. I then gathered some courage and said "no i would have rather been with my current girlfriend and that's you.
I love you dear"

I uttered those words and it was unplanned without roses without cards without any thoughts. I had no idea of what was in store for me that day.

So i was slowly regaining my senses that day eventually and finally i knew that she loved me.
We moved to some other location, she sat with her head on my shoulders, she was looking so cute that day. Her smile and her eyes were looking much sweeter . Then something happened i gathered the courage and bent a little forward and placed a peck on her cheeks . She turned up gazed in my eyes and held me tightly and whispered in my ears " I love you" . We sat there for hours and it quickly became 8 P.M. Never in my life I was with a girl till so late in evening.

But then we decided to leave and meet next day .Hands in hands we walked off. For the first time i hugged her, never felt so secured as it felt that day.
A grip so safe , so warm and so expecting filled with emotions and warmth of love. The feeling I can not decribe to this day. man i was in love.
"I am still"

We said good bye and left for our respective abodes to meet next day. The most wonderful day in my life had just come to a close.
And my facebook status changed from " single" to " in a relationship"
wow

enough for today guys signing off for the day with another few lines..
ounting our blessings and letting go of the past

Starting all over and making it last
Feelings and memories flow deep in my mind
Of those days our love was genuine and kind
Holding you close, feeling your skin
You look into my eyes and make my head spin
Those feelings are back, but stronger than ever
I know you're the one I wanna hold on to forever
We both smile again, nothing's better than this
wanting to Kissing you again like our second first kiss.

-----------------
Love
AKJ

Part 4

Today I will start off with a Famous line by St Augustine Who Said that
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

Beautiful isn't it

So currently I was in Midst of the blossoming season. I was talking to her more often and the best part was that no one had an iota of an idea, if someone says he had he is lying. What it actually meant was that I had no idea where I was at what part of the day
Attempts to Open IEEE could not have come at a better time. So now College was officially Open and we had a new Deano. Deano encouraged us to have IEEE branch and me along with virtual started scouting NSIT. This stressed me even further driving guys at place MAD.
I was supposed to be at Home all day and i was not supposed to be a part of all such activities like IEEE, AUV blah blah..

But never mind these NSIT trips were good in sense that they allowed me to change tracks half way down the city to meet her. Once, I suppose it was around 7-8 August, it was raining heavily I was returning from NSIT and i wanted to jus sit down with someone and chat. i was almost at my place, So i called her up and asked her to be at the MALL, Now i should tell somethin to you This MALL has a very important Significance in my life. More about it later.

So I was not expecting her to come , pata nahi kyon man hua and phone kar diya. And to my Surprise she did come, in the incessant rains. WOW , she made my day that day.

There are innumerable times that u wish someone was with you and not due to any particular reason, Jus aise hi and if That special person is with you , the day seems longer than usual.
That day was one of those days.

So I was happy with God for that day and then next day I realized one thing
She is scared of all scary things like the scary houses in Adventure parks we have, It seems funny to me at the least.

So we visited one of those and on my insistence we went inside one, with insistence i mean 3 hr of perusal completed with sweet corns and Momos etc.

So we entered and she was already scared , and by the time we came out , she was clinging to me, breath up almost as if she had seen her own soul leave.

After that i was made to promise ki aaj ke baad main kisi scary jagah ka naam bhi nahi lunga.
This is one promise i have not been too faithful about.

In the meantime my life was getting screwed up. i was chairman IEEE, had to complete 50 documents of the same, rushing to bank every other day to get an account, A project of UAV under process, Studies, Tech fests, Taking workshops at various colleges across India and SHE.

Those who know me what time it was. Too hectic and too stretched.It used to be 4-5 days since i had last met her. ( if This seems long wait for the rest of the story to proceed....).
Although i tried to call her as much as possible.

By this time I was almost convinced that she loves me. But hey i had not yet conveyed it to her and i had not told the same to her.

Then there was this sunday, i got a day off from my hectic schedule, god knows how . i had almost 15 consecutive working days. She called that day and asked me to accompany her to Akshardham which she wanted to visit. Akshardham , i hate visiting temples, and that too on a day after 15 working days. I flatly refused. i could not have moved out that day.

i believe she was disappointed ( I was later told she was more disappointed than i could imagine)
But anyways those hectic days were coming to their pinnacle .. TOO many workshops in college and also her Birthday was approaching. I promised her i would be with her on birthday but to my dismay i found that we had scheduled a 2 day workshop in college on the day preceding her birthday as well as on her birthday.

Now this is a serious problem with me , I give my professional life too much importance, more than my personal. on a Frank note today if i have to write a blog to communicate with her it is due to this only. But whatever I cannot jus leave my responsibility and go for my personal gains i feel ( i am not virtual man u see).

So i was in dilemma whether to be at my college or be with her for her birthday.

What happened on Birthday is for next post dear friends...
Enough Fodder for the canon has been provided in this post. I expect all this to come blasting to me soon:P

The signing off line s of the day again ....
A gentle word like a spark of light,
Illuminates my soul
And as each sound goes deeper,
It's YOU that makes me whole

There is no corner, no dark place,
YOUR LOVE cannot fill
And if the world starts causing waves,
It's your devotion that makes them still

And yes you always speak to me,
In sweet honesty and truth
Your caring heart keeps out the rain,
YOUR LOVE, the ultimate roof


---------------
Love
AKJ

Part 3

Don think will be able to write too much today.
Am dejected to hilt today.
Almost suicidal.
Seldom are days so bad for u that they have been today for me and u have to bear them.

So the story....
we had our first date and then we we often chitchatted there. Sometime there at my summer intern period my boss had to leave and i was free whole day to dial random people and chat whole day long. Best use of summer vacations u see.
We often had lunch together in random malls and restaurants of Delhi.

This is one incident which i distinctly recall.
I was visiting my friend's office and we ( me and the lady) decide to go to parathe wali gali sans my friend. Now how to do this.

She first acted as if half dead that she was in terrible pain and what not and wanted to go home at that moment. Men are really helples if a woman is falling sick they have to let'em go.

After that i forged a call from god knows who and talked as if my boss was goin to screw up my whole summer training if i did not report immediately in my office. These two incidents happened in time spans of say 20 mins.

Looks obscure isn't it. But so has been my life.
So i was also out of my friends' and met her half a kilometer down the road and we went together for that lunch that day.


She later conceded to me that it was this day onwards she became serious towards me.


jus this much for today guys......


signing off as usual with a poem for her......

Would you just listen and please don't say a word, just yet,
I'd like you to think back to the very first time we met,
How you felt around me? The memories we shared,
And just remember that once upon a time, you really cared.

Now think about how we parted, and how much I cried,
But please don't speak, remember that I never ever lied,
That I told you the honest truth about why we were to split,
But now I'd like you to know that my heart broke bit by bit.


You were a special part of my life that I will never forget,
A part of my life that broke my heart, but that I don't regret,
You gave me some happy memories that I'll keep in my heart,
Although sometimes I wish that you and I didn't have to part.

You were my first love and my true love, that will always be so,
After all of the heartache, sadness and never ending pain, I know,
You and I had something special and that will never change,
Because I love you and loving someone else will always seem strange.

Would you just listen and please don't say a word, not ever,
I'd like you to remember that once upon a time, we said forever,
That I had hopes and dreams, that I was the one who threw them away,
And this is something I will always regret until my dying day.

----------
Love
AKJ

Part 2

So Now I knew her and as all my friends know I am a slow starter in friendships. (Jus a slow starter though later i more than dominate proceedings. Mr shake and Mr Broken legs are more than witness of this dominance).
i always digress too much isn't it. Anyways, So i was a slow starter , did not have too many instances of communications with her in initial instances. It was limited to customary greetings whenever i visited my friends. later on i once stayed at my friends for longer period and we had lunch together, this once converted into many instances in whole of may. We now chitchatted on various issues ranging from my college studies, my hindu days, her studies ( i was more than happy to help anyone in programming, the engineering side had kicked in u see), this conversation later on turned towards our personal life. Good use of summer vacations u see.
Once i was at the place and needed to buy a new Bag for myself. this was sometime in june mid. And after some hectic schedules at my intern place. So i was at my familiar locations in northern part of delhi with my old friend and new found friend. i wanted to go to buy a bag and this friend offered her expert help in buying one for me in the locales known to her.
So began our Bag buying spree ( 1 bag only waise ) How much time would that take. 10 mins flat. Job done now what? We decided to hang out together and we went to a nearby mall for lunch in sweltering june heat of delhi.
That was our first , what u call it... eh...... date.

we sat there for say 3-4 hrs, like true "Vellas" chit chatting on almost every topic under the sun. then it was time to say goodye for the day. That instance after wards we opened up a lot towards each other frequent phone calls messages etc.

Proposal.... Not yet not now dearest friends..... It took a whole lot of time...
Got to sign off for the day . but i will sign off with a poem i had dedicated to her long back....

Nothing stays the same.
Sunrise becomes sunset;
Morning turns into night;
An angry storm can turn
Into a gentle breeze;
A tiny seed can become a
Towering tree;
A lowly caterpillar
Transforms into a
Colorful butterfly;
A child grows into a man.

Life goes on.
Seasons change.
Circumstances change.
People change.

But I know
That I will always love you
No matter what happens
Or whatever changes
That will take place in
our lives..

---------
Love
AKJ


-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A humble Request

Dear friends, Followers, well wishers
many people have asked me the purpose of the blog and what is it menat to convey and why public with some of the most intimate details of my life.

The answer is:-
I made some follies in my relationship, which turned for worse, follies on my part that are unforgivable ( as it seems) but the hopeful human heart expects the same. This blog is a way to pay respect to this girl who made my life and also ask for her forgiveness publicly.
I am recounting everythin that happened with us, maybe that will make the fate reignite the dwindling fire.
For others this may be a perfect guide to what not to do in a relationship, perhaps.

So a humble request to all of you:- i know that she is reading the same for sure. if all of you can leave a comment here for her I will be more than pleased.

Hoping for continued patronage.

Thanks
AKJ

Part 1 of story...

Hello friends and well wishers and Hello sweetheart.......
It was an unsually warm day of end of february when i first visited that office for some personal work. She was there for her internship part. I went there to see someone. Well for all those talks about love at first sight, i did not even notice her that day. " fate had somethin else in store for us".
I went to drink water in that office and saw a group of girls chatting away( 3 if i remember correctly). I did not even raise my eyes and went away.
What a first meeting some would say.... :)

I came back after spending 2 hrs at that office with the friend and did not give her a second glance or even notice her. uneventful isn't it????

I did not meet her or see her for 2 more months. I did not visit those old places too frequently coz did not have a reason good enough.

Then 2 months later in last parts of april, I went there again for some personal work. My semester exams were on my head... Du exams already half way in in.

She was not there that time( as if i noticed.. i was not supposed to know her by then isn't it).
So nothing interesting happened in those two meets to that place. i finished my work there and then went over to Knags for some lunch all alone.. met an old friend form hindu there at BONZAI... in the narrow lane behind Macd's . had a lot of chit chat there and came back home.. My life was still going fine and strong... with bits and pieces of AUV making attempts thrown in courtsey ( mr.shake, mr virtual man, mr. LA and gang ... no real names u see :P) .
So it was almost as if my second attempt at making AUV had failed .. the team had disintegrated. I wanted to do somethin better and gave my exams thinking of what that better would be.

Exams over. Summer training required...
Over to Nextsapiens... It was more of Job than summer training in summer of 2009. Mr Virtual man will confirm it. I was more involved in it than virtual and had benefits of the same . The free phone lying there gave me good reason to call various people whom i would not have called anyway . this proved useful as i later realised.

In between i had to go to that friend's again. This time i met her officially as i was introduced to her for some work. I had to sit with her for much longer this time getting some work done.
It was not as if i was attracted to her then or anythin it was jus that atleast the conversation got rolling. We had each others phone numbers that day by the time i left and also the promise to be in touch.. We realise we had much in common ...

......
This is all for part 1 .. plz wait for part 2...
I will sign it off with a message for her. some lines for her from one of my most favorite song...

जहाँ से तुम मोड़ मुर गए थे
ये मोड़ अब भी वहीँ खड़े हैं
कहीं किसी रोज़ यूँ भी होता
हमारी हालत तुम्हारी होती
जो रात हमने गुजारी मर के
वो रात तुमने गुजारी होती।

-----------
Love
AKJ

What i felt this Saturday??

Dedicated to the most special person... in between the story would be a few poems and few best lines i want to dedicate to her.. This is first of those series...


My belt loosens slowly.
Reminders of you stay fresh
in murky ponds of suffocating tadpoles.
Wake me in the morning,
when the sun shines again.
It's frightening when all I know
falls apart.
And all I know is you.

Hunger squeezes me tighter.
My soul sags with exhaustion.
Ashtrays fill with sleepless nights.
Weeping intensifies my anxiety.
Can tomorrow come without you...
here today?

The chandelier falls on my face.
The rose filled lamp explodes in my hands.
Pain is unrecognizable.
All I knew was you.
You.
My love.

A brief Introduction

The story begins somewhere in February 2009 and continues till date ... Had a lots of ups and downs and still continues....
in short jus this........


I loved u each single day and I loved u each single night.......
Each heartbeat was for u.. each streak of air in my breath was for u....
u were the life u were the soul.....
not a chance for 18 months is not fair.........
not to me not to u.......
Is this how we dreamt it to be....

.....................................................................................
Now brief introduction..
Myself... astrophyscist AKJ...
for friends this should be enough to identify me.... for others nothing more is needed to be known...
I am a true hot blooded ARIAN
She was a true VIRGO
5'4" lightweighted 48 kgs

Rustic and shy.....
but my love :) .....

no one was in the story... not even the best of my friends ever met her .... i suppose few did .. but don't recognize her ....

And very few of her friends ever met me... ( 3 if i am right)


So enough about introduction... Rest the story would be tomorrow.....

What is this blog all about??????

Hello all

This is straight from my heart .... My story which i never divulged even to best of my friends. The story of how i hooked up and then few stupid mistakes got it to a point of no return.
i am being told to move on jus as she has .. but i refuse.. My adamant heart refuses to move on...
This is in tribute to the best lady i ever met...
Each day (Provided i am available, as u know i am quite busy :( ) , i will post a post about us.. starting from the day we first met hoping that somehow someday before the story reaches the point of breakdown there is no need to mention the point of break down.
And to the lady of the story....
" no explicit names of persons or places would be taken..
and yes i refuse to move on..... either i am forgiven or the blog ends....."

And to all my friends ... no mention of the blog in personal life between us is welcome and any questions whatsoever would be answered via this medium only.. nothing in person....

love----
AKJ